Friday, August 01, 2008

Daily Dose of Blairmont 148

The following is a work of fiction. Any similarity to real people and events is purely coincidental!

The scene: the SECRET EVIL LAIR of the Big Suburban Developer.

BIG SUBURBAN DEVELOPER: You! Demented henchman! Go out and buy me a north St. Louis property that's surrounded by a lot of empty, unused, unwanted land! A lonely, hapless building that I can tear down to create the perfect redevelopment site!

HENCHMAN: Dyah, okay, boss!

The next day....

BIG SUBURBAN DEVELOPER: Well? What have you brought me? Speak!

HENCHMAN: Well, boss, I got you, from left to right,
  • 2731 Bacon Street (Sheridan Place LLC, April 2007, $195,000)
  • 2733 Bacon Street (Sheridan Place LLC, April 2007)
  • 2735 Bacon Street (Sheridan Place LLC, April 2007)

BIG SUBURBAN DEVELOPER: Excellent, excellent! With these properties, none shall oppose me! I shall buy up all the acres and acres of empty land, and tear it all down! Ha ha ha ha! Show me more!

HENCHMAN: Right, boss! After that, I went down the street, and I got
  • 2745 Bacon Street (Sheridan Place LLC, April 2007, $145,000)

BIG SUBURBAN DEVELOPER: Superb! Soon I shall -- WAIT! What is that?

HENCHMAN: Uh... what's what?

BIG SUBURBAN DEVELOPER: That! There! To the right of my new vacant property, which was occupied as recently as 2003!

HENCHMAN: Oh, that! That's a new urban townhouse, boss. Somebody called Habitat for Humanity put it there. It's based on the vernacular styles of the neighborhood, and conforms to the existing lot lines, allowing a high density that if reproduced will let the neighborhood become a walkable human-scaled place again.

BIG SUBURBAN DEVELOPER: YOU FOOL! No one is going to walk anywhere in my neighborhood!! Are there any more of these "urban townhouses" around my glorious empty buildings?!

HENCHMAN: Uh... maybe one or two or... uh... maybe two whole blocks full of them?

BIG SUBURBAN DEVELOPER: No!! You fool!! What have you done? WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?!?

HENCHMAN: Uh... sorry 'bout that, boss. Maybe they'll let you tear down all the brand new houses?


Anonymous said...

Rob Powers is my hero!

Anonymous said...

Maybe they'll buy the lot at an inflated price.