Friday, August 01, 2008

Daily Dose of Blairmont 148

The following is a work of fiction. Any similarity to real people and events is purely coincidental!

The scene: the SECRET EVIL LAIR of the Big Suburban Developer.

BIG SUBURBAN DEVELOPER: You! Demented henchman! Go out and buy me a north St. Louis property that's surrounded by a lot of empty, unused, unwanted land! A lonely, hapless building that I can tear down to create the perfect redevelopment site!

HENCHMAN: Dyah, okay, boss!

The next day....

BIG SUBURBAN DEVELOPER: Well? What have you brought me? Speak!

HENCHMAN: Well, boss, I got you, from left to right,
  • 2731 Bacon Street (Sheridan Place LLC, April 2007, $195,000)
  • 2733 Bacon Street (Sheridan Place LLC, April 2007)
  • 2735 Bacon Street (Sheridan Place LLC, April 2007)



BIG SUBURBAN DEVELOPER: Excellent, excellent! With these properties, none shall oppose me! I shall buy up all the acres and acres of empty land, and tear it all down! Ha ha ha ha! Show me more!

HENCHMAN: Right, boss! After that, I went down the street, and I got
  • 2745 Bacon Street (Sheridan Place LLC, April 2007, $145,000)


BIG SUBURBAN DEVELOPER: Superb! Soon I shall -- WAIT! What is that?

HENCHMAN: Uh... what's what?

BIG SUBURBAN DEVELOPER: That! There! To the right of my new vacant property, which was occupied as recently as 2003!

HENCHMAN: Oh, that! That's a new urban townhouse, boss. Somebody called Habitat for Humanity put it there. It's based on the vernacular styles of the neighborhood, and conforms to the existing lot lines, allowing a high density that if reproduced will let the neighborhood become a walkable human-scaled place again.

BIG SUBURBAN DEVELOPER: YOU FOOL! No one is going to walk anywhere in my neighborhood!! Are there any more of these "urban townhouses" around my glorious empty buildings?!

HENCHMAN: Uh... maybe one or two or... uh... maybe two whole blocks full of them?



BIG SUBURBAN DEVELOPER: No!! You fool!! What have you done? WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?!?

HENCHMAN: Uh... sorry 'bout that, boss. Maybe they'll let you tear down all the brand new houses?

2 comments:

Lynn said...

Rob Powers is my hero!

Anonymous said...

Maybe they'll buy the lot at an inflated price.