Showing posts with label wiseass. Show all posts
Showing posts with label wiseass. Show all posts

Thursday, September 11, 2008

Daily Dose of Blairmont 178

  • 2500 Sullivan Avenue (MLK 3000 LLC, May 2007, $150,000)

August 2008

A pretty ragged looking four-flat for $150K! You'd think Blairmont could board up those ground floor windows... or at least hang some curtains! The senior citizens living in the huge retirement complex right across the street might appreciate that. Still, the building overall looks to be in good condition... it's just the ground floor that's taken a beating under Paul McKee's ownership.



That's the brick rustled ruins of 2510 Sullivan next door.


February 2008

Well, it was probably those people who made it look this way, right? You know, those people, wink wink, nudge nudge. We all know those people don't take care of anything. Everybody knows that those people trash their neighborhoods and destroy everything good that whit--- uh -- normal hard working folks have built up, and just sit around waiting for a handout from the gub'ment. We all know you just can't do anything about those people, yuh huh!

Since everybody knows these things, let's see how this raggedy house looked while in the hands of those people, before a hard working businessman from the suburbs purchased it.


August 2003 - photograph by Kevin Kieffer

Boy, just look at it! Those people haven't done anything except plant beautiful flowers and keep the lawn mowed and the windows intact and generally maintain the place in perfect repair. Boy howdy, it sure is a good thing the neighborhood is finally being saved from those people!

Friday, August 01, 2008

Daily Dose of Blairmont 148

The following is a work of fiction. Any similarity to real people and events is purely coincidental!

The scene: the SECRET EVIL LAIR of the Big Suburban Developer.

BIG SUBURBAN DEVELOPER: You! Demented henchman! Go out and buy me a north St. Louis property that's surrounded by a lot of empty, unused, unwanted land! A lonely, hapless building that I can tear down to create the perfect redevelopment site!

HENCHMAN: Dyah, okay, boss!

The next day....

BIG SUBURBAN DEVELOPER: Well? What have you brought me? Speak!

HENCHMAN: Well, boss, I got you, from left to right,
  • 2731 Bacon Street (Sheridan Place LLC, April 2007, $195,000)
  • 2733 Bacon Street (Sheridan Place LLC, April 2007)
  • 2735 Bacon Street (Sheridan Place LLC, April 2007)



BIG SUBURBAN DEVELOPER: Excellent, excellent! With these properties, none shall oppose me! I shall buy up all the acres and acres of empty land, and tear it all down! Ha ha ha ha! Show me more!

HENCHMAN: Right, boss! After that, I went down the street, and I got
  • 2745 Bacon Street (Sheridan Place LLC, April 2007, $145,000)


BIG SUBURBAN DEVELOPER: Superb! Soon I shall -- WAIT! What is that?

HENCHMAN: Uh... what's what?

BIG SUBURBAN DEVELOPER: That! There! To the right of my new vacant property, which was occupied as recently as 2003!

HENCHMAN: Oh, that! That's a new urban townhouse, boss. Somebody called Habitat for Humanity put it there. It's based on the vernacular styles of the neighborhood, and conforms to the existing lot lines, allowing a high density that if reproduced will let the neighborhood become a walkable human-scaled place again.

BIG SUBURBAN DEVELOPER: YOU FOOL! No one is going to walk anywhere in my neighborhood!! Are there any more of these "urban townhouses" around my glorious empty buildings?!

HENCHMAN: Uh... maybe one or two or... uh... maybe two whole blocks full of them?



BIG SUBURBAN DEVELOPER: No!! You fool!! What have you done? WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?!?

HENCHMAN: Uh... sorry 'bout that, boss. Maybe they'll let you tear down all the brand new houses?